Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Out of the mouths of babes

April 24, 2014

A couple years ago, I had a sweet encounter with a 4 yr old. I was subbing in Pre K in a public school. While waiting for dismissal, I was standing with a group of kids. One little girl randomly looked up at me, pointed and said, “You, Jesus?” Confused, I just did an awkward, “Huh?” and she clarified, pointed to my cross necklace. “Jesus,” she said again, and added, “Me, Allah.” Ah, now I got her meaning. She was asking if I was a Christian, a Jesus-follower. I’m always very careful in schools. I definitely don’t want to deny Jesus, but I also don’t want to break the law and be blacklisted in the public school system. So I usually try to defect the questions about my beliefs, just like I do ones about my age or marital status. But this little sweetie was persistent. And cute. So I simply responded, “Yes,” (I think).
                
I believe the way the law reads, teachers cannot teach or preach their religious beliefs, but can answer direct questions. I know most Christian teachers try to “live” Jesus and not talk about it at school. And I know of some who usually turn the question around on the kid, and ask what they believe. I usually try to change the subject, personally, or ask, “What do you think?” or something similar. But I do wear my cross necklace every day. It was one of the last things my grandfather gave me, a graduation present, and it is precious to me. Sometimes I wonder if it’s wise or even allowed. But I do it anyway. A lot of times if a kid is staring at it, I’ll casually tuck it under my shirt, to discourage conversation about it. But when asked a direct question, if I can’t deflect, I’ll answer it. So fast forward 3 years or so. Now I’m subbing in Pre K again, but this time her little sister is in the class. I spoke briefly to their mom, and later found out that the mom’s mother was sick. Cancer, and it is pretty bad. The teacher was surprised that the mom was here and not up North with her mother. The teacher, who is a believer, then asked me to pray for the mom.
               
Immediately, I was reminded of my necklace-inspired conversation with the older sister. I wondered, “Should I pray for her? She doesn’t believe in ‘my’ God?” Then I felt like an idiot. Of course I should pray for her. It doesn’t matter what she believes; it only matters what believe and know.
“So, God, please be with (the mom). Please comfort her during mom’s illness. Please send your people to provide her and her family’s needs, extend your love, and be there for her. Lord, please send people to speak your truth to her, and to answer the questions, and make you famous. To You be the glory. Amen”

So did I make a difference this time? I don’t know. I just that I did all I knew to do. The rest is up to God. Of course, it already was.

Monday, June 30, 2014

Twenty Year Check Up

June 30, 2014


Twenty years ago yesterday, I answered God’s call to begin a big adventure with Him. Eleven years ago, I went all in, renewing my commitment. It’s hard to pinpoint my growth and how He changed me in those first 9 years, but the last 11? Oh yeah, I can see it! Of course, I’m not done growing and changing, but I believe I am becoming more of the woman He wants me to be. I’m still entirely too hard on my myself, second-guess most of my decisions, and often ask other people’s opinions before God’s. But I’m working on those things, and I have noticed a lot of growth. I am more patient, I think of others more, and I step out of my comfort zone more than used to. I know some of that comes with growing up and getting older, but I know a lot of it is God at work in me.


               
I am so humbled that He uses me to touch lives. I love when I get to see and experience His love at work through me. A lot of the time, we never see the results of the love we show and the work we do for Him. So it is an unexpected blessing to see the way lives are touched. During a teen mission trip recently I got to hear from some very sweet teenagers that they love and appreciate me, and my favorite part was when one said she sees Jesus in me. I was a puddle. That’s what I always strive to be, but most days I feel like just a bossy task-oriented person. So it melted my heart to hear that. And even better than that, I am floored when God speaks through the people I am trying to reach to encourage me. I’ll probably write more about this in another blog entry later, because it was really cool. But several things happened on this teen trip where I got to see teenagers encourage and uplift me, when I was there to serve them. I truly felt the hand of God in those moments, and it was so cool.


                So, I got some validation that I maybe am actually making a difference after all. It was nice, but I know it won’t always be this way. More often than not, I won’t know if the words I say and things I do actually change the way people act, think, or see God. But I’ll keep doing them. Because He wants me to, and I want to do what He wants. At the end of the day, as long as He is glorified, it was  a good day. And as long as the sun comes up, He will be. God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good. Be blessed this week!



Friday, March 21, 2014

Perspective

February 26, 2014

         Recently, I heard a great illustration. The speaker talked about looking at the back of a beautiful old tapestry, and only seeing a mess. The problem, he said, was that we was looking at the wrong side. In order to see it clearly, he had to get a different perspective.
 
          I think this difference-making business is like that. It's nearly impossible to tell if you're making a difference when you're doing it. It's only later, after time has passed, and you are removed from the situation, that you can see what difference was made. Sometimes the simplest comment or conversation can make the biggest difference at all. I've mentioned a conversation from years ago with a now-friend that made all the difference in how I viewed my relationship with Jesus, and how I dealt with being single in my mid- to late-twenties. She had no clue how important that conversation would be to me. She just knew the Spirit had put it on her heart to say those things.

        So as I try to document my quest to make a difference, I struggle to know what to write. Do I include the conversation with the cashier at the grocery store? The car I let cut in front of me in traffic? How do I know what made a difference? I can't. At least not right now. All I can do is live my life in a way that glorifies God, and know that He will make all the difference in the world around me.